Written by: Wesley Thomas
Like truly messed up horror movies? Like completely fucked up to the point where you think the creator should be in a mental asylum? Then here is a list of movies that will have you repeatedly shouting the phrase ‘What the fuck?’ You’ll cringe and gasp and gag through the insanity unfolding on screen, questioning your own sanity for not being able to turn away. Your morbid fascination will take hold here.
Let’s start with the king of fucked up horror, ‘Human Centipede’. We have all heard of this. Even if some weren’t brave enough to endure it, we all know what it is. And with a third movie soon to be gracing our screens, it must be popular! In a nutshell we have a crazy scientist who wants to make a human centipede. So after two girls find themselves stranded near his house, they ask if they could borrow a telephone. But soon they’ll realise it was the worst mistake they ever made. The two women become attached to a Chinese man. This one is sick, unsavoury and disturbingly graphic. Do not eat when watching this one, just trust me on that!
Next we have a different kind of madness with a cave woman held in captivity. An average family has an insane cannibal on their property. Props have to go to the actor who plays the husband in this one, Sean Bridgers. He plays a twisted man who abuses this woman, while the other members of the family are trying to civilize her, after discovering her existence. Not leaving out the indescribable talents of Pollyanna McIntosh who leads the way through this craziness in ‘The Woman.’
Then we have ‘Hostel’. When two best friends who have a fondness for drugs and sex, travel across Europe seeking out women, they are bound to get into some kind of trouble. But they could have never imagined just how bad things could get. I was constantly on the edge of my seat in this one. Quite gory, but it is the adrenaline gained from this that makes it an excellent movie. But when you see it for yourselves, you’ll understand why I have added it to this list.
How can we leave out ‘Saw’? Simple, we can’t. This is the movie that started a whole new sub-genre of horror. Grizzly and morbid deaths with sick imaginations. Majority of horror fans will have seen this, or in fact all movies of the franchise. But if you haven’t, it deserves a watch. Basically there is a madman on the loose that doesn’t actually kill people, but forces them to kill themselves if they can’t get out of very compromising positions in a certain amount of time. But the justifications this individual has is what makes the movie. The people selected for the test aren’t random. There is a method to his madness and a reason for everything. Props have to go to the special effects and make up team for the incredibly realistic scenes of slaughter and massacre. Let’s not leave out the infamous scene where a man saws off his foot in order to escape. Those few minutes will stay with you forever.
There is also another kind of messed up, the kind where a girl is badly raped by multiple men who leave her for dead. But these monstrous people don’t realize that she isn’t in fact dead, and remembers everything they did to her. But she is over it, and wants to move on with her life. Joke! She wants to find each of them and chop their dicks off, in some cases, quite literally. This will have your stomach constantly unsettled, your heart racing and mouth drying. The first few minutes of the movie are hard to stomach, especially if you are uncomfortable with rape scenes, which most people are. But you side with the girl and find yourself encouraging her vendetta of vengeance against these animals. You get gratification from their painful murders at the hands of a girl they abused. But when each of them dies will she mourn or feel guilty? Nope. She will do one thing.
‘I Spit On Your Grave’
The next movie is also known somewhat for a very violent and vivid sexual assault scene, but also for the strong cannibalistic scenes and merciless violence. A family road trip goes horribly wrong when they stumble upon a wasteland. But the bright side? It seems deserted, allowing the family time to have fun with no unwanted visitors. Unfortunately the area is far from isolated. Prowling near is a band of cannibalistic mutants hungering for fresh meat. Again, breathlessness and high stress. Something about mindless hill-billy flesh eaters is so terrifying. Ever since ‘Wrong Turn’ I have had a deep fear of them. This movie only intensifies that fear. So be sure to check out ‘The Hills Have Eyes’.
Moving on we have a modern movie named ‘The Pyramid’. Daughter of archaeologist Nora Holden, whose chosen the same career path, finds a unique pyramid that has been buried beneath the Egyptian desert for five thousand years. Nora and her team head down to explore, only to become trapped and not only face booby traps, starvation and moving walls, but unexpected creatures lurk in the darkness of the pyramid. This was excellent. This sort of movie that makes you feel as though you’re on an acid trip. Surreal and nightmarish with great acting and super sharp tension. The camera work and music help create that boxed in feeling.
Next is a movie not unlike ‘The Pyramid’ but with its subtle differences. But a great movie nonetheless. ‘As Above So Below’, also a recently released movie. Archaeologist Scarlett Marlowe has dedicated her life to find Flamel’s Philosopher’s stone. A stone that supposedly grants eternal life and turns any metal into gold. The second she hears it is apparently in the catacombs of Paris, it doesn’t take her long to gather a group and head down there in search of it. Each eager and excited at the prospect they unknowingly enter a world of danger. This really pushes the boundaries of how movies can affect out psyche. You’ll feel sick, dizzy, scared, nervous and incredibly claustrophobic. Their hopelessness when they discover they’re trapped is conveyed brilliantly. Another nerve-wrecking one for those horror fans that love an intense anxiety rush.
Furthermore, we have what I call a modern classic ‘Drag Me To Hell’. A young banker Christine, is rumoured to be next in line for a promotion, and will stop at nothing to get it. In an ambitious attempt to show her boss she’s capable of making hard decisions she refuses an old lady an extension on her home loan. But Christine has no idea that the lady is in fact a gypsy, and we all know you don’t screw with gypsies. Before long the old woman places a curse on Christine. But after many questionable bids at trying to remove the curse, it becomes clear there is only one way to do it. But the question is, does Christine have what it takes? I loved this one. The perfect combination of horror, comedy, suspense. A genuinely entertaining movie. The screwed up factor comes into play at several moments throughout the film. My advice, just watch this one!
Lastly we have a young girl sacrificed to dark lords by a band in a vain pursuit for fame and wealth. The good news? The sacrifice works. The bad news? The girl doesn’t die and becomes an inhuman demon. ‘Jennifer’s Body’ is seriously twisted for many reasons. Which become apparent after the first five minutes. Personally I loved how high school teens are portrayed in this one. It adds an element of comedy. And whilst there is a great deal of butchery and bloodshed, there is excellent acting, and a superb soundtrack. Also to those who are attracted to hot brunettes, Megan Fox stars, and indulges in a tongue heavy kiss with Amanda Seyfried.
There you have it, you disturbed bunch! Enjoy. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think of these movies.