New Reviews

‘Area 51’ is Crap (Review)

Written by: Daniel Hadley

Directed by: Oren Peli

Cast: Ried Warner, jelena Nik, Ben Rovner, Darrin Bragg

Terror, excitement, intrigue, wonder and tension, all of these things make movies great and all of these things are absent from Area 51, a movie that sodomizes your eyes with unrelenting boredom. hatred is a powerful emotion and few times when someone claims to feel it are they in fact correct, as hate is such a powerful feelings that it consumes you, shifting all of your focus into a straight line pointed right at the object of its origin. And you use that hatred to fuel your desire towards said object’s destruction. I didn’t hate Area 51 but I came very close.

Watching nothing really happen for seventy minutes and then watching a group of boring characters wander aimlessly around a facility saying “OH MY GOD” at nothing of any particular interest is a hard sit. Then when the ending came around with zero explanation I turned to my girlfriend and she looked back at me with pure scorn across her face – she wasn’t angry at the movie she was angry at me for making her sit through the most frustratingly boring movie she had ever seen. I remember I kept saying “don’t worry something good will happen, just wait, it’s coming” then before anything good did happen the credits rolled.

This is a bad – and I mean a really bad movie. The plot is as such: four people very easily break into a highly secure military facility and then somehow – it’s never really explained – an alien gets loose (or maybe two or three). You never see them well except for maybe half a second and that’s not an exaggeration. the four wander around continuously spouting “oh my god” at everything they see and then the movie ends. Seriously that’s it. You can watch it if you like or you could just watch the trailer… or hell just read the synopsis, it’ll take you ten seconds and won’t leave you angry, confused and frustrated.

Acting wise the movie is fine, can’t say much for the script or the direction as everything is pretty aimless. Oren Peli gave us Paranormal Activity, how can the same guy have made this piece of worthless boring crap? Paranormal Activity was no masterpiece but it was a great found footage movie, this is probably the worst I have ever seen and that’s not an exaggeration. This movie is garbage, boring illogical rubbish.

So to bring things to a close I will just say please don’t watch this crap! Watch literally anything else, watch the mirror, watch a shadow or the laundry machine. During reviews critics tend to over exaggerate a lot in terms of their negative feeling towards their subject, making very outlandish statements, but I say this now with absolute sincerity: I had more fun watching the loading screen when I turned my phone on than watching this movie.

Rating: 0/5


About The Overseer (2283 Articles)
Author of Say No to Drugs, writer for Blumhouse, Dread Central, Horror Novel Reviews and Addicted to Horror Movies.

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