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In Honor of ‘31’ We Rank Rob Zombie’s Movies Worst to First

I think the vast majority of us are itching to get a look at Rob Zombie’s 31. All the promotional goodies we’ve seen surface look impressive, and the concept (kidnapped carnies forced to engage in murderous activities) is absolutely bonkers.

Our hopes are high.

31 will be arriving on September 16th, and in order to get you primed for that insanity we’ve compiled a ranking of all of Zombie’s films. So, from worst to first, here’s how Rob’s flicks stack up!

Halloween II

Halloween II was a murky mess of a movie that often failed to make sense and constantly defied logic. Michael Myers was gifted a voice (sparingly, but we do hear him), Dr. Loomis became a greedy prick, Laurie Strode became a severe head case… just about everyone in the lineup underwent a radical and repulsing turn. Thank heavens Zombie left Brad Dourif’s Sheriff Lee Brackett untouched. He’s the one charm of the entire film.

The Haunted World of el Superbeasto

Despite the fact that this is an animated film, I think it absolutely rocks. The animation itself is gorgeous, the comedy is far over the top but laugh-worthy on a constant basis and the characters are ridiculously memorable. It’s an awesome cartoon, to be blunt, and if you’re looking to hear one damn amazing soundtrack to support a slick animated piece, you’re looking to get your hands on The Haunted World of el Superbeasto.

House of 1000 Corpses

Rob Zombie’s major nod to the movies that inspired him throughout his life, it’s easy to label HO1KC a complete ripoff. It borrows ideas from about a dozen different movies… but somehow, it really grows on you. From an aesthetic position it looks amazing, and could have easily crawled directly out of the 1970s. There’s some strong acting here as well, and, of course, the birth of a new horror icon, Captain Spaulding!

The Devil’s Rejects

What you can do to sum this film up is imagine House of 1000 Corpses, on the road. That’s really close to what we get from this picture. But there’s a completely different dynamic and character connection here that sucks us in and leaves us wondering what will become of the Firefly family. This may be Zombie’s most unorthodox film, but it makes for a fine grindhouse session and digs a bit deeper into the histories of a few characters we’re already invested in.

Halloween

I actually give Zombie huge props for this flick. Although enemies and evil presences can often be far more frightening when we know nothing of them, some characters have remained so ambiguous for so long, we can’t help but wonder. Who the hell is this person? Rob Zombie tries to answer these questions and for the most part does so effectively. There isn’t a lot of mystery to the story, and Zombie goes right after it, but all in all, it’s an entertaining remake.

Lords of Salem

Some may feel a burning desire to crucify me for this selection, but I really, really got a kick out of Lords of Salem. This, like most of Zombie’s films borrows some ideas from a few past pictures, but that doesn’t bother me. The atmosphere is amazing. I loved the focal setting, a little rundown radio station and I think the featured DJs did an excellent job and shared real chemistry. But what really steals my heart is the look of the film. Zombie slays the autumnal colors and he sticks to the scheme from beginning to end. It’s nothing short of beautiful.

About The Overseer (2283 Articles)
Author of Say No to Drugs, writer for Blumhouse, Dread Central, Horror Novel Reviews and Addicted to Horror Movies.

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