New Reviews

‘Razor’ is a Uniquely Terrible Experience (movie review)


Not sure where the “academic” or “best” aspect comes in

By Lois Kennedy

Director: Filip Halo (AKA Filip Chalatsis, AKA Philippos Halatsis)

Cast: Elisabeth Boutraki, Panagiotis Xanthopoulos, Zoe Alexouli, Filip Halo

A Greek movie (according to IMDB, it’s the first Greek slasher movie). Six couples go to a house for some reason and most are murdered for some reason. It was shelved for the better part of a decade, but now it’s resurfaced as a shiny new director’s cut.

The film is in English, but there are subtitles that pretty much convey what the actors are saying, as well as give hints about what’s happening at the moment, such as a lady is “moaning like a bitch” or a guy has a “soft dick.” These are probably meant to add to the “comedy” aspect of the film. The trailer tries to play up how the film is a parody of slasher movies and pokes fun at itself, but the movie is still technically poor. It’s incredibly low-budget, the sound is off, and the camerawork is shaky. Some of the actors come to life during their torture scenes, but overall the acting is sub-par, particularly in the opening, which sets the tone for the tastelessness to come: a girl who is being raped by her father puts a razor in her vagina.

The characters are pretty interchangeable, despite the title cards revealing their names and professions. Don’t bother to remember them; they might as well be numbers for how little development they have before they’re slaughtered.

It’s also horribly repetitive. Here is the movie in a nutshell: the couples have sex, they go to sleep, one of the pair goes off alone. He or she is conked on the head and wakes up in chains. The victims are cut with a razor by the offscreen killer who alternates between insults and asking how they like it. They’re slapped with a dildo and then dismembered. Repeat. And repeat it exactly, down to the exact same camera angles. (Boy, it’s a good thing each victim gets out of bed one at a time. And these are fairly young people; you’d think they’d be able to sleep through the night.) About half the movie is sex scenes, with dialogue that’s some variant of “I’m going to fuck you,” and the other half is screaming gibberish.

I guess when a movie calls itself “a f*cking flick,” you can’t have much in the way of expectations. The filmmakers were clearly trying to go for a grindhouse feel, and they succeeded. The scratchy-filmed torture scenes revel in violence and gore for the sake of violence and gore—at least as far as the limited practical effects will stretch. I have to admit, there is one character whose death is especially detailed, and his insides are pretty impressive. The overall effect is dirty and just shy of a snuff film. I can honestly say it’s the second-worst movie I’ve ever seen. Give it a look if you’re in the mood for something that’s gruesome but won’t challenge you in any way except to watch it all the way through.

Rating: 0.2/5

*Warning: trailer has spoilers*

About GhoulieJoe (169 Articles)
I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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