Real Life Horror: Check Out the Most Terrifying Ventriloquist and Dummy in History

I probably should’ve learned this by now, but if you swing by Google’s place and get to sorting through his awkward files, you end up finding some really, really, really weird shit. We’re talking absolutely bonkers-nutso-crazeballs. And leave it to me, bouncing about in the kitchen attempting to master a recipe I stand not a chance in hell of mastering, to search for something like, oh, I don’t know, ‘Halloween Terrifying Ventriloquist.’

Yeah. I searched for that.

I don’t know why. I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there… and them I combed through Google’s files like a Dick on the verge of cracking that mystery wide open.

In immediate retrospect I understand that that was a not only random thing to do, it was really ill-advised.

I stumbled across an image on a website known as https://jonmwessel.wordpress.com (yeah, I’m not even certain John wants that plug)… and it scared all traces of fecal matter from my shaking shell of a body.

This is the creepiest damn dummy ever created, but to make the picture infinitely worse, the ventriloquist himself also happened to stumble out of a nightmare.

My General Tso Chicken, Kung Poa Chicken and Beef and Broccoli are about done. I’m just not sure I have much of an appetite for any of it at this point.

Enjoy this little nightmare.

PS, If you send me 3 AM hate email after seeing this, I won’t blame you… and I’ll probably be up to read it.